Fischer, 39 Weeks, And An Honest Answer

Dear Fischer,

We had a pretty good doctor's appointment today. It encouraged me a little bit from the way I feeling earlier today (see below). I am happy to announce that if you don't come beforehand, your birthday will be on Monday, July 23rd....10 days from now. But let's chat about this for a second...I would still really prefer for you to come on your own before that. After talking with our doctor we decided to go ahead and set the date for 4 days after your due date. While it is not my preference to induce, I feel comfortable giving you this much time to come on your own, past your due date. Dr. Pierce would only let us go three days more than that anyway. This is the same scenario as your sister and I am hoping you are more with the program than she was. It does help mommy to have a light at the end of the tunnel and to have an end date. I'm hoping to plan some fun things this week to take my mind off of things.

Also, Dr. Pierce said things are moving very smoothly at the new hospital so we are all set to deliver there. I feel really glad to have that settled and really excited to get to be at the fancy pretty hospital.

Not a lot of updates from last week for everyone else. See below to see how I was feeling earlier today (note: it's not very happy or positive but it's real).


(39 Weeks)


From where I was at this morning, here's an honest answer to the question:

How are you feeling?

The truthful, quick answer, from my rational, logical, un-emotional brain is:

Fine. Honestly. I feel fine. Healthy. Normal. Everything really is fine.

But the reality is, I don't really have a rational, logical, un-emotional brain right now. So this is really how I feel:
  • Uncomfortable: I am physically limited in my ability to get things done just based on my size alone. Picking things up is difficult. I am clumsy and almost fall multiple times a day just walking on solid ground. My bones hurt, my muscles hurt, my feet hurt and my back hurts. Even laying down is uncomfortable in one position for too long and turning over to the other side hurts too.
  • Tired: I'm just not sleeping well. It's really the most ridiculous and unreasonable thing in the world to suggest to a pregnant woman to get all the sleep you can now before the baby is here. If you've ever been pregnant, you know this is almost impossible without some kind of help, medically. And even then, benedryl doesn't always work. Also, my brain hurts. It just won't stop spinning. 
  • Panicky: The nesting and panic has increased. I just don't have the energy to keep up with my brain. When I try, I kill my feet and legs. And then I can't sleep because my legs hurt so bad.
  • Conflicted and Guilty: 
    • I am so so thankful for my husband. I really really don't know what I would do without him. He helps me so much. But I am driving him crazy. I know it. I see it. But I don't know what to do to make it better. I feel guilty that I am having to let him help with so much, yet I know I need the help because I just don't have my normal stamina. I wish I could more love and meaning behind my thank-you's and I just don't know how. 
    • I want to do more fun things with my kids, but I don't have the energy to do it. I feel guilty for the times I turn on the tv because it is just easier. I am thankful for the sweet snuggles I get and worry I don't give them enough. I worry I am going to miss something or that if someone else were their mommy they would be getting more attention. But I don't know where to find more energy to give more. 
    • I am so ready to meet Fischer but I worry that I won't do a very good job of parenting 3 kids. I don't want to miss out on any part of them and I don't know how I can do that split into 3.  
    • I am so ready to not be pregnant anymore, that I want to talk my doctor into inducing as soon as possible. But I also don't want to be the one who decides when he is born. I want to go into labor on my own, I just wanted it to happen a few days ago. I want to ask my doctor to check for how far I progressed, but I also don't want to know if I'm not progressed at all. 
So like I said: I feel fine. Just fine. Thanks for asking. 

Hi! I'm Carrie! I like to drink Earl Grey Tea, watch Gilmore Girls, hang out with my man, read a good, suck-you-in fiction book, play with my babies, take long bubble baths, and learn about Jesus. Connect with me on Facebook for even more Wiley Adventures!

2 comments:

  1. Carrie, my doctor told me that women who are dehydrated are more likely to go into labor. I'm sure you've tried just about everything though.

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  2. @melinda yes, I have heard that and discussed it with my
    Doctor but it is not safe for me or baby. It can really complicate things and make me feel really crummy in the meantime. I also know that if I go into labor, good hydration won't delay or stop labor. So I'm still drinking lots of water :-). Thanks for reading a commenting!!

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