16 April 2014

On Grieving And Aching

I’ve attempted to write this post many times in the past 7 years for a variety of reasons. And for just as many reasons, I haven’t been able to. Here’s another attempt….
I was reading a post today from a dad, a grieving dad. This post was so beautifully written and as I was reading, I started to feel what has become a very familiar feeling for me. An aching, longing feeling. A deeper feeling than just feeling sad for this man’s grief. In my empathy for him, I personalized it and picked up my own grief from the last place I left it.
“What am I still grieving?” I ask of the Lord and wonder. “What is left uncovered?”
is it this last miscarriage?
is it my beloved 11 year old cat who had a stroke?
is it my aunt who took her own life?
is it my grandmother’s death?
is it the first miscarriage or the second?
is it the death of dreams that seemed so Godly and so RIGHT for so many years?
And then I settle on, “It just isn’t supposed to be this way.”
And here’s the truth: It isn’t.
We live in a fallen world surrounded by sin and dark things. We can grieve a hundred things every day. Some devastatingly more painful than others. There have been seasons in my life where I have every day seen one loss after another to the point of not knowing how to even breathe anymore.
What I’ve come to realize through those experiences is the hope I have comes not in the things not lost or the dreams that do come true. It only and always, and will forever only and always come from the person of Jesus Christ and the hope of what is to come.
I sometimes wonder if this aching will ever go away. And the only answer I’ve come up with is this: while we are still on this side of heaven, is it supposed to go away?
In my limited, still grieving, still seeking and asking, point of view, I think that the aching feeling, the longing, the feelings of “it just isn’t supposed to be this way” is exactly that. The purpose is to remind us of what we are aching for, and longing for, and hoping for. For the way things are supposed to be — and will be — one day. To remind us to NOT cling too closely too this world. But with everything we’ve got, every painful, tearful, difficult moment possible, we’ve got to cling so closely to Jesus and His word and His promises. We’ve got to! And when it hurts so bad, we’ve got to cling tighter! And when we slip and forget, we’ve got to adjust our grip! And when we just don’t know if we can add another loss on our list, we’ve got to hold closer. Because, my friends, the only only hope we have of surviving it,the only hope we have of BREATHING is in HIM. Only Him.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4
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