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How To Turn A Plane Around Mid-trip, Land Back Where You Started, Get Kicked Off And Go To Jail

Step One: Choose the best seat.

Next to Kyle and Shepherd Wiley. At the back of the plane. Near the flight attendants.

Step Two: Refuse to follow the rules.

Like turning off your cell phone.

Step Three: Lie to the flight attendent.

You might try telling him your phone is off while waving it in front of his face with the text message screen open.

Step Four: Yell profanities.

It would be especially helpful if you did this after smacking your gum excessively loud, so loud in fact that other passengers thought there was something wrong with the plane. And then when the very nice flight attendent asks you to stop, you might try getting up in his face, refusing to comply with his instructions, and yelling bleepedy bleep bleep bleeps.

Also, you might try dropping the f-bomb a few times around Carrie Wiley's babies. That should help.

Step Five: Tell the flight attendants they are wrong.

When the head flight attendent comes back and tells you that the pilot is ready to turn the plane around, you should yell some more about how you hadn't done anything wrong and bleepedy bleep bleep "your phone was off" and "you paid for this ticket" and "you people just gettin all up in my business"...

If you follow all of the above very carefully, that should do the trick.

(Also, I don't know for sure that she went to jail, but that's what I'm led to believe after the two very large Southwest Airlines employees and three security officers escorted her off the plane back in Dallas.)


  1. Not a fun experience in the least!!! Hope you all made it to your destination without any more interruptions.

  2. I know that was an experience you never want to repeat! Especially with little children on there and one right beside her.