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Weekend Recap: #realwileymoments edition

I had some plans to write a lovely weekend recap all about the events of our weekend including family movie night watching 101 Dalmations, a fun "Meat Party", (yeah, it was was it sounds like. A giant part with a lot of meat!). However, because my children were in FINE Wiley form this weekend, this post is going to be about the adventures of their own choosing.

If you've been around for a while, you know that I was broken in REALLY WELL in the department of shenanigans and creative adventures. You might remember that time Laura Kate left the house of her own accord, BUTT NAKED from the waist down, waiting at the end of the driveway and cheering for her Daddy to come home (The Streaking Sasster). You also might remember The Great Poop Explosion of 2012. Or the time decided to cook a cheez it on her bedside table lamp (The Cheez-it Story). There was the time that LK decided to drag Shepherd on his belly halfway across our church foyer.

There were a few stories I was too busy living to blog about... like the time Shepherd climbed onto his windowsill during room time and got stuck, inside the blinds, and was crying and I was outside and didn't hear him, but I saw him plastered against his window looking like a tortured prisoner. There was the time Fischer climbed on his changing table, tried to get down, and fell with his foot stuck and was dangling upside down till I could rush to rescue him. Or the flushing of the toothbrushes incident where we had to completely replace our toilet. Or when Shepherd emptied my Bare Minerals makeup in the toilet for fun and then decided to put all of my jewelry in my Scentsy "so they smelled nice". And that reminds me about the time that LK stuck all of my jewelry to my headboard with aquafor to decorate it. THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.

Then there have been all of the accounts of things sprayed or painted on bodies that shouldnt have been: Diaper rash creme on faces, black spray paint, fingernail polish, other paint.

I know what you're asking yourself, WHERE WAS THIS NEGLECTFUL MOTHER DURING ALL OF THESE THINGS? I'll tell you where she was. She was changing a diaper, or unloading a dishwasher or changing over a load of clothes or going to the bathroom. Also, sometimes right under my nose. This particular brand of children are GIFTED in speedy mischief. Parenting lesson #1: DON'T EVER TURN YOUR BACK EVEN FOR A SECOND.

All of that to say, for the past several months, things have actually been better, more smooth sailing. Nothing was flushed that shouldn't have been, no one painted anything on their bodies that they shouldn't, no one dragged anyone else and gave them a carpet burn. We've had our normal sibling disagreements and whininess (OH THE WHINING!!), but nothing like above. (Guys, there's no need to knock on wood, that time has passed because of the things I'm about to tell you).

Let's start with Archer. Y'all., we are in FULL BLOWN two year old world over here. FULL BLOWN. He is busy, he never stops moving and he has discovered a love for dirt. At the for-mentioned meat party, I was so tired from chasing him. I rescued him from escaping in the street, I kept him occupied with corn hole in which he decided it would be more fun to slide down the boards than toss bean bags in, and somehow he still discovered all the dirt. That he decided would be fun to coat his whole body in.

Somebody flushed sometime. We don't know who and we don't know what. But we are still trying to unclog the toilet. #prayforthewileystoilet

Shepherd. Yall, Shepherd. was in full-on project mode. If you follow my Instagram stories you already know. You already know the miracle that is his life. I went in after naptime to find he had somehow tied some cords together, some with exposed wire on it, and hung a coat hanger at one end and wound the cords around the ceiling fan, from his top bunk no doubt. After I finally got it unwound and untangled, the ceiling fan resumed it spinning AT HIGH SPEED. Which means he did this contraption, from his top bunk, in the dark, while his fan was spinning on high speed. Some people worry about their kids jumping off the top bunk. Oh not us, THAT'S TOO NORMAL FOR THE WILEYS. (Insert eye roll here).

After Saturday's nap, we decided to split the boys up for nap and have Shepherd rest in our bed during naptime which has worked well in the past. Fischer still needs a nap to function well and I wanted to avoid any mischief. Oh hahahahaha. Oh Carrie. Like that's possible. HAHAHAHAHA. I should have laid down with Shepherd. I shouldn't have let him out of my sight. There was a basket in our room that used to be in the kitchen and somehow ended up in our room. I had forgotten about this basket completely. And I for sure forgot their was food coloring in a ziplock in that basket. Shepherd, ever the expert, sniffed it out and decided to decorate my pillow with it. Laugh or cry, friends. Laugh or cry.

Also there was the watercolor painting on the bathroom wall. More eyerolls yall. That one didn't even phase me at this point because it was washable. I just handed Shepherd the clorox wipes and HE GOT EXCITED ABOUT IT. I quit.

Also too small to mention in their own paragraph, the pom pom projects, paper napkin and glue airplanes, chocolate chips spilled all over THE FAMILY ROOM FLOOR, and the un-identified person who colored on the the hand soap bottle with my concealer stick.


Hope your weekend was boring.

1 comment

  1. You are a remarkable mom and a formdable woman!! Thanks for sharing this brilliantly told adventure.