What are your parenting goals?
By that I don't mean Make it to dinner time or Find the missing sippy cup. Think long term, way beyond when your children are tiny and still under your direct care. What do you want for them? I think most parents want their kids to be good people. They want them to be nice, successful, happy. Can we get more specific than that? Do you want to raise someone who is trying to change the world? Someone who seeks out others to include instead of exclude? Maybe someone who is smart with money and lives within their means? These are things to think about.
What are your parenting beliefs?
No, I'm not talking about no dessert before you finish your carrots. Do you think kids should be seen but not heard? Should we be teaching our kids to get in touch with their feelings or do we worry there are too many 'special snowflakes' around for that? Are you dead set against spanking? How do you feel about cry it out?
You might be thinking, Wait, aren't my goals and beliefs the same? They do have a lot in common. It makes sense that your goals are aligned with your beliefs and vice versa. But that doesn't always mean they are the same thing. You might believe that children should defer to adults and not speak up in some situations, but have the goal of raising a child who stands up for themselves. When you think about it that way it might seem obvious that this goal and belief are going to be hard to work on simultaneously. Well, yes. It might not be impossible to get the two achieved, as speaking up has different levels of appropriateness in different situations. But overall it can create conflicting messages for our children.
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