Dear Uterus,

Unless you are going to produce a baby, please stop contracting. Especially on my birthday. It only gets my hopes up and frustrates me. And it hurts.

Sincerely,
Not Amused

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Dear Christopher Peters,

It was understandable when I received your phone number when I first moved here, that there would be some people who still had your old number. I didn't mind informing them you no longer had that number. It was even somewhat understandable that you didn't inform your creditors of your new number. Again, I didn't mind asking to be taken off their call list. But four years later, I have to only assume that you are purposefully giving out MY phone number to credit collectors who still call me to this day, my birthday. Stop it.

Not Amused