"Do you think everything is going to be ok tomorrow?" is what I asked Kyle the night before Fischer's induction.
He assured me that not only did he think everything would go well, but that it would be great. But he still held me and let me cry out my anxiety.
I told myself that the way I was feeling was just nerves for such a big day even though it was not how I felt the night before either of my other two inductions. I know now that the Lord was preparing my heart to lean on him on a day when things wouldn't go according to my plan (one of these days I'm going to learn and just stop making plans).
Before I get to the story of Fischer's actual birthday, I want to write about the ways that I think the Lord prepared me for it because I never want to forget all of the ways the Lord proved himself faithful and the ways he walked me through every step of this experience. I have a feeling I'm going to need to remember it in the future when I have to face other days that won't go according to my plans.
- Choosing my doctor. For the second pregnancy in a row, I changed doctors mid-pregnancy. I was really upset about having to do that because I loved my doctor but because of certain circumstances it wasn't an option to stay with him. From our first meeting with Dr. Pierce, I felt confident in him and that I could trust him to help us make the right medical decisions for my body and baby. The Lord gave that to us early on and I believe it was with great purpose so that we would be able to trust him in a difficult situation.
- My epidural. If I had not had an epidural in place already, I would have had to be intubated, knocked out and woken up in recovery.
- The hospital tour. I have always enjoyed touring the hospital where my baby would be born just because it gives me an incredible peace being able to see what things will look like, what kind of room I will labor in, where to go, and extra pieces of information that might be helpful during LDR. If you are a reader of this blog, you will remember that Kyle and I toured our hospital before it was even open (read about it here). Because the hospital wasn't open yet, we were able to go inside the OR room and recovery room where I ended up having my C-Section. They walked us through the entire process of what it would look like and be like if you had to have a C-Section. For my visual, planning brain, this gave me incredible peace because I didn't have to wonder what was happening next or where I was going.
- Father of the Bride, Part 2. Yes, the movie. No, I'm not joking. If you've seen it, you know at the end of the movie the mom has a complication with her labor and the doctor tells her that she is not seeing an improvement in the baby's heart rate. She tell George Banks that she can have the baby out in a matter of seconds if she has to and that everything was going to be ok. I have always known that it was possible, if needed and emergent, to get a baby out super fast if it was needed.
- I read this blog post on Sunday night before I went to sleep written from the perspective of a mom with her daughters in the theater of the tragic Colorado shooting. Two things in particular struck me. One, was the incredible peace this mother had in a tragic situation and the other was the verse the author shares her youngest daughter was leaning on: Do not be afraid of sudden fear nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your feet from being caught. Proverbs 3:25-26 I do not by any means intend to compare having a C-Section to the massacre that happened on that night, but do want to point out that the Lord's grace is sufficient in every situation. I read that verse and remembered it for the next day and went to sleep that night resting in the Lord and knowing he would be sufficient for whatever the next day would bring.